New Diet Recommendations

UPDATE!: Photo that shows the fattening effect of vegetables is shown below.

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass, a green leafy vegetable. And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal or mineral, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.,

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO ..... Cocoa beans. another vegetable!!! "It's the best feel-good food around!"

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Have a cookie... One more thing... "When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila and salt."
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Compiled this from various sources. Thanks minyi, for the bulk of it.

i guess beer is a "liquid vegetable" then.
nothing to stop me from taking my liquid grains and er, grape juices. :)


This is wat u get from excess vegetables

Questions that are fun to know

Q: Why is there braille on the buttons of drive-thru ATMs?

Note: this is less relevant for Singapore since we don't have drive-thru ATMs here, but they are pretty common in other countries.

ATMs on the streets may have braille to assist the visually handicapped in accessing the ATMs. However, blinds can't drive! (at least i hope they don't attempt to drive...) So this begs the question, why do they have braille on the buttons in these drive-thru ATMs?

This question is actually related to "Why do 7-Elevens have locks on their doors when they are open 24hrs?" as posted here.










A: Although it doesn't make sense to have braille on drive-thru ATMs, one cannot expect the buttons-manufacturers to have a different mold, a different production process to create braille-free buttons for drive thru ATMs. It is simply not economical to have two different production, especially since the large majority of ATMs are on the streets.

And although a 7-Eleven may never lock its doors, most people do lock their doors. its not economical for door manufacturers to produce doors without locks. Perhaps it could be cheaper by a little if 7-Eleven outsource a specialised door manufacturer just to create a lock-free door (hence saving on the costs of the lock) but my guess is that the costs won't be significantly lower enough to justify the absence of a lock for once-in-a-blue-moon-situation like, err, hmm.....
can't really think of any good reason, save for rioting? earthquakes?

oh well.


the same reasoning can be applied to why there are heaters for some cars models, even in tropical areas, and air-cons for cars in all-year-cold regions.

The peanut joke never ends.

Excerpt from the Straight Times, 23 July 2005

"The Moneytree Authority of Singapore (MAS) launched a brand new Singapore Dollar bill, which has been named the "Peanut Series". Each peanut series bill is legal tender equivalent to 600,000 Singapore Dollars, henceforth known as 1 Peanut.

The CEOs across the Republic have been quick to applaud the launch of the 1 Peanut bill. In an interview with a Mr. Durai, a CEO of a philanthropic organisation, who wished to remain anonymous, he said, "Now I don't have to carry suitcases of money home. Prior to the issuing
of the Peanut, I had to carry a whole suitcase of small change home every month. This is because the people who paid me tend to do so in small amounts, like $5 dollars each time, and it can be very irritating. Now I am just paid 1 Peanut with a single bill, slip it quickly into my
wallet and off I go. It's very convenient!"

The reaction by the general public was however cool. Most said that it is unlikely that they will ever use a 1 Peanut bill. With a average national income of S$3000 (0.005 Peanut), the average Singaporean will need about 2 lifetimes to save a Peanut. Said a Mr. Tan, who is a plumber, "The other day, I installed a golden tap in some CEO's bathroom and he paid me using 1 Peanut for the $1000 golden tap. I tell him where got enough change?

Watch out for the newest security features on the 1 Peanut note, including a new watermark which replaces the traditional lion head. The new watermark can only be seen under an intense bright light and close scrutiny because of its extreme lack of transparency.

According to MAS spokesman, the added security features are extremely important given that 1 Peanut can probably buy three 4-room HDB flats, or 10 Nissan Sunnies, the average Singaporean will be very tempted to lay their hands on a Peanut."


1 Peanut worth

When will my escalator move

On the stuck-on-escalator incident here.

Sometimes on our climb up in life, shit happens.
Something in the external environment change and we get stuck.

And instead of climbing on, we grumble and complain.
We stand there, waiting and waiting for the power to resume, when we could have just climb our way up.

Here I am at the escalator, waiting for power to be back again.

Political Pledges

I'm tired of friends who claimed that they will support me in their careers and then give all sorts of reasonings and explanations when the real deal is placed in front of them.

Mighty words at the beginning. Pledges of supports and no-problem-don't-worry speeches.


And as they say, the youths and punks are the convinced-they-are-the-best, most terrible markets.

I love aunties & uncles.
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My friend told me of an incident during a NTUC dinner, where the speaker suddenly pledged, ahem, the entire NTUC staff's support for the guest-of-honour, SR Nathan in any contest.
Loud shouts and pledges that everyone in NTUC will support him, and request for all in the dinner-&-dance to raise their hands if they do support him.

Needless to say, everyone raise their hands. No one dares to be the conspicious one.

So political, my NTUC.
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I was next to the President during the NUS Rag Day event (courtesy of guanxi) when the NUS alumni-class 72 Float team sang songs for him and pledged their supports for him.

It was nice to see that our new President has such warm support, but sometimes I really wonder if its all just show-and-tell.
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I bet if I were to run for president one day, I would have the Alumni classes of AiTong 92, Catholic High- 96, AJC 98, NUS 05 ganging up and issusing press statements and the likes to PREVENT me from running.


They took to the streets when they heard Cherub is running for President

i see all the accusations flying here and there (mostly false, of course). Tsk tsk. This is why I can't go into politics. I have too many skeletons in my closet.

No extra holiday for Singapore

PRESS STATEMENT BY THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS COMMITTEE
ON APPLICATIONS FOR CERTIFICATES OF ELIGIBILITY

Only incumbent SR Nathan gets Certificate of Eligibility; 3 other applications rejected by panel.

Sigh. I thought I can finally vote.
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I don't know what to make of the JTC's revelation that they had kept Presidential candidate ex-hopeful presidential candidate Andrew Kuan longer than necessary as they are an employer with heart.

One, its good to know that a large government body is kind-hearted and generous to give a 2nd chance ( a 3rd chance later) and keep someone on the paycheck (a large paycheck, may i add) despite a lacklustre performance.

On the other hand, you're paying top dollars for a less-than-qualified CFO for longer than necessary to manage large amount of money. TAX-PAYERS' money. MY MONEY.

Alone in the city.

I really like blinkymummy.

she never fails to make me ponder and reflect on my own life.
And this. this is a beautiful photo. (taken from here)


Blinkymummy; alone in the city

Nice.

Btw, Blinkymummy is one of the contestant of the Dating Show (on Channel 8).
And she is arranging a beer gathering while watching the show tonight!

Aye, damn tempted to go and see her.
muahahahaha. machiam like stalker.


Haiz. Beer ah beer, you're my best friend when the sorrows hit.

All the money.

After watching NDP, I'm convinced that I'm living in "North Korea with loads and loads of cash".
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So much fireworks, so many self-congratulations.
whoaaa, i wonder why so much attention this particular year. I mean, 40 is not exactly a round figure like 100, or even 50.

General elections coming soon, i think.
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The following was forwarded to me by Minyi. Thanks!

It's all about money for Citibank. Credit Cards when you die...
This is too funny! It takes all kinds to make the world go round. Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is easy to see happening, customer service being what it is....

My Aunt died this past January. Citibank billed her for February and March for their monthly service charge on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge...the balance had been $0.00...now it was somewhere around $60.00. I placed the following phone call to Citibank:

Me: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."

Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Me: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections"

Citibank: "Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been."
Me: "So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

Citibank: "Either report her account to the frauds division, or report her to the credit bureau maybe both!"
Me: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"

Citibank:"...excuse me?"
Me: "Did you just get what I was telling you.... the part about her being dead?"

Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor!" (Supervisor gets on the phone)
Me: ''I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."

Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Me: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

Citibank: "...(stammer)".... "Are you her lawyer?"
Me: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given...)

Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Me: "Sure." (Fax number is given) (After they get the fax.)

Citibank: "Our system just isn't setup for death"
Me: Oh..."

Citibank: "I don't know what more I can do to help..."
Me: "Well... if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her...I suppose...don't really think she will care...."

Citibank: "Well...the late fees and charges do still apply."
Me: "'would you like her new billing address?"

Citibank: "That might help."
Me: "Nilai Memorial Park Cemetery (North South Highway and plot number given.)

Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"
Me: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"

Engrish 101

Thanks to Xiaoyin for sending these pictures to me to cheer me up. :)

I love literal direct translation.

If you can't see the picture, click on it to see the full-size version.



Engrish 101 - Lesson 1



Engrish 101 - Lesson 2

This one really takes the cake when it comes to direct translation.

萝卜干炒百合.
So you take 萝卜 as turnips, 干 as "fucks" (this is damn hilarious lah), 炒 as fry, 百合 as bulb of lily.
Technically, nothing wrong with all these direct translation. HAHAHA

The Turnip fucks to fry the bulb of lily.

Excellent. :)

香干炒芦蒿。
"香" = joss-stick, 干 = fucks, 炒 = fry, 芦蒿 =crown daisy
The joss-stick fucks to fry the crown daisy!

The other translations in the menu is excellent as well.
I wanna try these dishes soon.

Loss

Frustrating.

I went to a neighbourhood shopping centre the other day. I was on the escalator when a power failure struck.

I was struck stuck on the escalator for hours. damnit.

Interesting Conversations

Redundant: R Relly? 是不是那个以为他会飞的人?
Cherub: 不是。他没有以为，他相信他可以飞。


*translation
Redundant: R Relly? Is he the one who thought that he can fly?
Cherub: Nope. He didn't think, he believe he can fly.
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Cherub: 你们要去Europe多久？
NuaNuaSan: 起码要三个星期。
Cherub:“骑马”要三个星期？那坐飞机要多久？


*translation
Cherub: How long do you guys want to go Europe for?
NuaNuaSan: "At least" 3 weeks.
Cherub: "Ride horse" for 3 weeks? What if we take a plane?

Note: the mandarin for "at least" sounds similar to "ride horse". Yah, I know I'm lame. :)
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Cherub: So you were depressed yesterday too?
Sophia: Yah. I didn't realised you were too.
Cherub: wah. so we actually unknowingly look for each other when we are sad.
Sophia: Yah....what do you call that? ....not fuck buddy...
Cherub: *chokes on food*
Sophia: I said... NOT fuck buddy.

Cherub: okok....phew.
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The headline is not you think it is. I love ESPN Soccernet.
The original article here.

Young Boys Wankdorf erection relief

BERN, Switzerland, July 31 (Reuters) - The supporters of Young Boys Bern have not had too much to celebrate in the 19 years since their team last won the Swiss league title.

Long since eclipsed by the likes of FC Basel and Grasshoppers Zurich, the club from the Swiss capital has even got a reputation for enjoying its status as a perennial loser.

But this weekend Young Boys sought to shake off their old image by officially opening the 32,000 Stade de Suisse Wankdorf stadium -- which cost 350 million Swiss francs ($271.3 million) -- with an uncharacteristically flashy homecoming party.