Saturday, December 25, 2004

everybody...dance to the music...!!!

Hey Macarena!



Remember the silly macarena dancetrack?

Remember the silly macarena dance?



I DID THE MACARENA DANCE, FULL TRACK.

OUTSIDE TAMPINES MRT.

ON CHRISTMAS DAY.



TWICE.



*clap clap*



HEY macarena!!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Roadshow at Tampines. Focusing on medical insurance using CPF medisave.

And CPF investment.



"but cherub", you say, "what has CPF investment to do with macarena?"





HOW I KNOW? ASK THE MANAGERS LAH!!!!





Financial Service consultants that use window 95, may I add.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Aye, actually the logic is this, if you dare to muster the courage to dance in the public (and such a ridiculous dance, may I add), you won't feel so paiseh & will face less restrictions in approaching and canvassing the public for deals.



In any case, the dance caught the attention of the public, one of which eventually closed a deal with this lady colleague of mine. In 1 day, she netted almost $1,700.



Hell, I will dance Macarena in Orchard if you pay me half of that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



My only consolation, as always, it could have been worse



If we had danced the Ketchup Song, I will cry.





I tell you, insult the tomatoes and they will KILL you.





Seriously.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



in this line, you need tons of motivation and those peer talks, know what I mean?

Those "I am the best, I can do it" BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Yes yes, those are the lines that they keep on reinforcing to me, again and again.



And all I hear is, "BLAH BLAH BLAH".



I mean, I know this job takes patience and you must be able to hand rejections. (blah blah blah)

but i'm a cynical dude who hates motivation talk. save it dude. I motivate myself, and I hate those "special case" motivation.



"last road show, miss xxx earned $6500 in 1 day!!"


I know lah, there are bound to be a few talents and lucky ducks now and then, but don't use that to motivate me, I hate it. I know the law of large number. I know the idea of "a big fish in every 200 rejections". (blah blah blah)



don't motivate me. don't give me glorious war stories.

(blah blah blah)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Of course, the bad thing abt managers is that u tend to develop too close a talking r/s with her, and U forgot that she is YOUR BOSS.



hence, nxt time u wanna put down a product or motivation talks, take it from cherub.



SHUDDUP.



been there, done that.

{referring to the consequences of not shutting up}

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Once again, I have proved that where cherub's academic results is concerned, hard work has a negative relationship with excellence.



i think this semester is the one that I put in the most effort. (yah yah, to those who I copied researched your tutorials, i know i may not be the most hardworking guy, heh heh, but I got study very hard, lah. REALLY.)



but the result is less rewarding than those semesters in which I really lazed till the cows gone home.



Lesson #47: The less effort you put in, the better your CAP

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



I think I'm soooooo gonna score in my thesis, judging from Lesson #47.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



SHIT!!!

I just realised something...... no wonder I got such tough result in today roadshow!!!



OK tomorrow I shall SIT THERE AND WAIT for my sugar mummy to come in with her CPF statement.



"boy ah, i got $100,000 in my CPF, can help me invest in some safe funds?"



Tuesday, December 21, 2004

And so the F1 driver says

Stupid things I've done.

  • 1) Failed to unlock my car using the remote control system.
Was in a semi-state of confusion, wondering how the hell to get into my car. Until my friend pointed out that I alway use the normal key.



  • 2) Walk into a glass door

Now I know why glass doors in shopping centres have a strip of sticker across it. to make the glass door more visible!! Now now, I walked into a glass door with no stick, no knob, no handle. Just a glass door surrounded by a small frame of wood that mergered into the surrounding.



the door was locked and even got jolted out of its locked position, so u can imagine the sheer force one can impact on simply by walking into it.



Yah lah. the cut on my lip and the bumps on my head were from the knock.



  • 3) Telling WaRpEd and his brother that I walked into a glass door.
Enough said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Dangerous car stunts for the past week.



  • 1) Almost caused an accident.
At an unholy hour of abt 3 in the morning, did a sudden U-turn that almost crashed a scooter boy.

thank god he moved fast. Sorry!!!



  • 2) Driving against the traffic
Entered the bus lane near Funan (the special 1 lane that caters to a bus-stop at the side of the church). Nothing wrong with entering a bus lane at 1am.

Except that I entered against the correct flow of traffic.



and only realising it after driving till the end of the bus lane.



And I attempted to turn right into a "correct direction" road. Only to realise I'm driving against the traffic AGAIN.



so there u are, a car doing a circular anti-clockwise turn to the LEFT, in the middle of the traffic junction just in front of the Padang.



all these with no other cars around.



I'm a blessed motorist.



  • 3) Drove without the headlights in the middle of the night.
Twice. Thrice.



  • 4) Gave way to an ambulance.
OKOK, this may not be a great feat, but hey, at least i did something right as a motorist.

I'm a hero!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Juz got to meet up with this goddamn gorgeous babe.

Sizzling hot and sexy!



you know the very best part? she is very different from what I expected of a model.

haha.

and she actually encourages me to study (do your thesis or you'll regret it)



sizzling hot. so much for the monsoon season

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



I just fixed an appt with Dr Chang, energy and resources economist, regarding my new decision to write a thesis paper.



I'm actually 1 mth late in writing a thesis.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



wenzi told me a rather meaningful story, abt Heaven and Hell.



Once someone in church asked,

"since all non-christians go to hell, what about great men like Buddha and Socrates?"
The priest could not answer this, for the bible holds no answer, so he turned to the bishop.

The bishop was equally puzzled and turned to the archbishop.



Well the archbishop was stunned by the question as well and decided to ponder about the question. In the end, he prayed for an answer and went off to bed.



He dreamt he was in at this train station, and there was this train moving, eh, up? so he took the train and alighted at another station. This was clearly heaven, he thought. He approached the station master and asked,

is this heaven?

yes, this is it.

have you been here for long?

for the past few thousand of years.

*excitingly* So do you know Buddha?

nope.

do you know Socrates?

nope.



so the archbishop was happy, as he clearly has the answer. Buddha and Socrates were clearly not known in Heaven.



Just then another train pass by, and since it moves in the opposite direction, he reckon it should be the train to hell. Curious, he boarded the train and arrives at the other train station, Hell. Surprisingly, it looked proper and decent.

He approached the station master and asked,

is this hell?

Yes, this is it.

Do you know Buddha?

Oh yes, he is a great man here.

Do you know Socrates?

Yes, he is one of my friends.



The archbishop was elevated, he got his answer. Clearly Buddha and Socrates, 2 great men did go to hell as all non-christians do.

but he was confused, this hell seems a bit too calm and serene.

Isnt this hell?

Yup.


Isn't there supposed to be a lot of suffering and hatred here?


Oh, that was 2000 years ago. And then Buddha came and changed the place.




Its not the place that make the man, but the man that make the place.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



According to wenzi, one of the reason why pple may accuse me of being buaya *yes, she reads my blog apparently* is that I have a wide and prominent smile.

When I smile, its flashy and grabs attention.



so when I talk to girls, and I smile (natural wah. where got pple talk to girl cry one...)

and the smile reminds pple of a crocodile smirking when it spots its prey lapping water from the river.



wahliew.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Oh btw, I'm in a quarter-life crisis.

I don't know what I want in my life.



*ACTUALLY I know what I want in my life. Its just that they are out of my range.

Yang Cheng Lin, a ferrari, plenty of dough.

Geez, I hope santa is extra generous this year*







Ask yourself, how do you see yourself in 1 year's time? 5 years? 10 years?

Yourself as in your career, your love, your finances, your family, your friends.



I don't know what life wants out of me.





Friday, December 17, 2004

The power of the press

Singapore's Nov NODX slip 9% - Straits Times, Dec 17, 2004


Whooo...NODX (Non-Oil exports) declined! Singapore economy in a bad state?



Fear not! our beloved nation-building press is here to rescue.

Within 15 minutes of spotting this headline in the internet edition of the Straits Times, someone (probably an enlightened guy who knows best. we can't handle the truth!) spotted the negative tone of the headline and adjusted it accordingly.

Ta-da!! Still the same information, but now so bright and sunny!!



Singapore's Nov non-oil exports up 16.5% on year - Straits Times, Dec 17, 2004 (15 mins later)

SINGAPORE's exports rose a healthy 16.5 per cent last month from a year ago, according to International Enterprise Singapore, the Government's trade agency.

But the country's non-oil exports (Nodx) were down 9.1 per cent in November from the previous month, the Government said on Friday



There must be a new guy in Straits Times who knows nothing abt headlines, ie, everything about Singapore PAP government must be wonderful and positive.







Whooo..i love our nation-building press!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



For those uninformed, there were some articles about the SPH's not-so-world-class journalistic practices recently.



SPH's ex-insider, Pranay Gupte bids farewell to Singapore and our nation-building press's "special circumstances".



A trusted friend of mine, a well-known American in New York -- and fellow life member of the Council on Foreign Relations -- said to me the other day, after hearing about the Straits Times episode, "Well, what did you expect? What kind of a place did you think Singapore was going to be when you took the job?"


Read about why he was fired.





Not only the issue didn't die down, as most negative news about PAP tend to do so in Singapore, the Straits Times is learningly, woefully may I add, that its very hard to censor manipulate control project a healthy slice of Great Glorious Singapore.



As we see, the drama continues between our ex-insider and the Straits Times.

How to spurn friends, alienate professionals, and not give a damn

by Pranay Gupte.

Excerpt:<

What explains The Straits Times' conduct?

I see from your cheque that you have deducted the settling-in allowance given to me when I came to Singapore at the behest of the editor. This is simply vindictive.



Of course, it's entirely up to you to decide if you and SPH wish to behave honorably and with professional dignity. But please don't make baseless accusations against me. You can take away my pen at SPH, but please don't ever forget that I've had an international voice well before I arrived in Singapore to work with SPH. And that voice was always a friendly and admiring one; I certainly would never have expected capricious and demeaning conduct on the part of you and SPH.



Ahhhh..... don't you love our nation-building press?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



i felt so guilty that our beloved monopoly press pisses this renowned journalist, i actually wrote an email apologising for Singapore ill treatment to her friends.



And unsurprisingly, he replied.



Dear Cherub:
That was very gracious, and very sweet, of you to write to me. I'm really very touched by what you said. Thank you.
Please be assured that I have considered myself a friend of Singapore for more than two decades -- ever since 1982, when I first started coming here as a journalist. My many writings and TV documentaries over the years certainly demonstrate this. And as always, I came to Singapore -- this time for The Straits Times -- as a friend. What happened at the newspaper was unfortunate, and I'm just so very sorry that I'm going to have to leave a place where people have been so warm and friendly and hospitable over these long years that I've known Singapore.
Please also be assured that I leave Singapore as a friend, too. The more enduring impressions will be those of the many friendships I formed, not of the still puzzling actions of Straits Times editors.
I wish you well in your scholastic career and beyond. Please let me know if I could help in any way. I don't know if you are planning to be a journalist, but may I say that it can be a wonderfully fulfilling profession (well, most of the time, anyway!). I can always be reached via this e-mail, regardless of where I am in the world.
With warmest regards, and every good wish for Christmas and for 2005,
Cheers,
Pranay
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



I know this is old news but since today is SPH bashing day...with thanks from mrbrown



Singapore beats Iraq in Media Freedom index

Fellow Singaporeans, this is a GLORIOUS DAY for us! We have beaten countries like Pakistan and Iraq in the RSF's (Reporters Without Borders) third annual worldwide index of press freedom!

To see our glorious win, go to the relevant RSF page and then scroll.

No, scroll some more. Scroll some more... just a bit more... right at the bottom. Yes! There we are! Number 147.

As you can see, we narrowly missed beating countries like Democratic Republic of Congo and Bhutan. Never mind, onward we shall climb! This year, we only managed to slip 3 places from the 2003 index where we placed 144th out of 167 countries. With our return to good old media monopolies, I expect us to do much better next year.

Besides, this index did not take into account the fact that we have Asia's best designed newspaper, so that certainly affected our ranking. And some more, USA, Land of the Free, was placed 22nd. So there.

You cannot trust this reporters' organisation anyway, their initials are RSF, but the full name is Reporters Without Borders, which should be RWB. Must be the damn French and their poor spelling.

News excerpt:

Media Freedom Survey rank Singapore at bottom 20.



SINGAPORE has slipped down the latest world press freedom ranking, according to international association Reporters Sans Frontieres (RSF).

The Republic is now ranked 147th out of 167 countries, three rungs lower than last year, making it the lowest ranked developed country when it comes to press freedom.

Malaysia is ranked 122nd while Indonesia is 117th.

RSF, which has its national branches based mostly in Europe and with offices around the world, released its third annual worldwide press freedom index on Tuesday. (TODAY)



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`



In any case, as you will have guess it, do you think the Straits Times will publish such a result?

Probably not "news-worthy" for Singapores, who only need to know about great economic growth and maybe, the bust size of Fiona Xie.

Of course the usual reply from the PAP men-in-whites> government ministers: read about our special circumstances.

Lee Boon Yang did not agree with RSF's conclusions and he was quoted as saying that "We have a different media model in Singapore," and goes on to add that "This model has evolved out of our special circumstances and has enabled our media to contribute to nation building."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There is a reason why I haven't been blogging recently.

I think I misplaced my sense of humour.

Seriously.

I don't have any topics to blog anymore! will u guys pls kindly help?

come on, give me some topics to poke fun at.

=(

Saturday, December 11, 2004

I saw something abt "helpfulness" while out with Captain & Passerby that will make me think twice whenever beggars ask for money.

I saw an old beggar at the underpass (linking Taka and Lucky Plaza) in his yellow singlet playing harmonica and asking for money.

An hour later, I saw the him at Scotts boarding a cab.



HELLO!? I didn't even drive my car today! I took bus and mrts (and cabs lah, i admit) today. I didn't drive coz I was trying to save money....

AND THIS BEGGAR TOOK MONEY TO TAKE CAB????



Why? the MRT too low-class for you?*





Eh the Tokyo Metro system. wow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



what about the famous blind man that likes to squat in the middle of the traffic crossing, right in the danger zone, so that people will buy from him?

Someone, who didn't know that is his business practice, rushed to help him...



Uncle uncle....You're standing in the...

Do you wanna buy anything?

huh? er..no.

Then fark off!! don't disturb me.
I am serious. He used vulgarities on a stranger whose sole intention was to help him out.

And as reported in the Straits Times, he rejected help, he denied a foldable chair from another kind soul, prefering to squat in the middle of the road instead.



I am not too sure, if he doesn't want pity and sympathies, prefering instead to conduct a business, then why squat in the middle of the road?

And helpful pple don't deserve to be furled with vulgarities.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



I used to have this mentality: better support them in their business than them begging.



I seldom reject any of these people selling tissue papers.



Better that I buy something and support their livelihood than them degenerating into outright beggars.

They have prides too, and selling tissues is much better than begging.



I pay $1 for 1 pack of tissue, it may be an expensive price, but the mere $1 buck to us goes a looooong way for them.



Problem is, there are so many of them, and with so many negative incidents, I am beginning to doubt the authenticity of most of them.

Even before the cab-beggar, the rudeness of the blind man, I was already dejected over helping people.



Remember the $80 i lost to a cheater that preyed on my kindness?

The man that took his daughter a 6yo kid in his con job just so that we will lower our defensive shell and readily hand out money to help.



he didn't just steal my hard earned money.

He took all my kindess away.



I haven't bought a single tissue pack since then.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Meanwhile, Miss Concubine is away in Taiwan......



for this show....!!!







I can't believe it. there are times when the host will introduce certain segments of the 'live' audience that came all the way from Singapore for the show....

but now Miss Concubine has a ticket to the show, and she is in Taipei now!!!



cherub : tat day the Guess girls really really chio

Concubine: haaa..im going taiwan tml

cherub: the 1st one is..... wahhhh

cherub: wudi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Concubine: damn excited!!!!!!!!!!!!

cherub: i hate u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Concubine: hahahaha

Concubine: my flight is damn early

Concubine: i gotta wake up at 5.30 tml

Concubine: shit man..think i really gotta slp le..or else

tml sure cham

Concubine: gotta go already. see ya after i come back!

Concubine: byebye!!!



cherub: OEi!!!!

Concubine: ?

cherub: help me get YCL's hp!!!!!

cherub: 9*censored* is my hp number

cherub: :)

Concubine: that's not possible man

cherub: hahahhaaha

Concubine: hahaha

cherub: i know lah

cherub: goodnite!!! :P

Concubine: okie byebye!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Apparently, there are people who can sleep till the end of the world.



Captain encountered this incident in which a girl feel asleep in a cab, and totally can't wake up.



Despite SHOUTINGS, vigourous shaking....she just slept through everything.



its only when they (an entire crowd has gathered around the cab) applied ointment, then the girl just suddenly wakes up.



Someone in Taiwan did the same thing, fell asleep in a traffic jam and didn't wake up. With the whole world horning and shaking her, the police has to bring her to the hospital which she wakes up mysterious and obviously damn embarrassed by the incident

I kid you not.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



From mrbrown's blog-link,



Hands up moms who have received flak from their moms and/or moms-in-law for breastfeeding their kids!

Yep, I thought so. My missus will also say amen.

Famous words from a Milk Powder generation of grandmothers:

"Your milk enough meh?"

"You so weak, how to breastfeed?"

"Your breasts so small, sure enough milk or not?"

"The baby still looks hungry, maybe we should also give it formula/porridge/cornstarch...



Huileng shares her experience and also talks about the old wives' tale that breastmilk is actually blood.

Friday, December 3, 2004

Boys and Girls

Had a very interesting night out with CaptainPlanet and MrPasserby.

And oh boy....



if you know me, you probably would have guess that I get along with girls more readily than guys.



so i don't have much topic with normal guys.

  • I don't play sports. NOT a single one. hell, i even refuse to play "Virtual Tennis".
  • I have no interest in soccer. I only learnt recently that EPL stands for English Premier League. Enough said.
and come on, look at me.

  • I'm the lousy emotional, sentimental bitch. lol.
  • I'm -sigh, this is embarrassing- the more feminine guy. in terms of feelings. NOT actions.
  • I study in Faculty of Arts and Social Science!! (Faculty of ASS for short). Come on, i won't kid u here. the ratio is like 5 to 1? Just in my Money and Banking tutorial, there is a overwhelming number of 4 guys in a class of about 30 girls?
(btw, now you know why arts canteen is full of engineers. Yeh yeh, the food is better here. Riiiiiiite.)



so, obviously i developed a negative reputation among those guys who dunno me well.

they will tend to label me as a buaya. (definition from Talkingcock.com)



BUAYA

Malay for “crocodile”. Means “lothario” or wolf, i.e. sleazy pick-up artist. May also be used as a verb.

1. “Johnny’s after Jane, even though he’s supposed to be with Jenny. What a chao buaya.”

2. “Look at Johnny buaya-ing Jane.”


Now now, I guess its natural that I get labelled, *unjustly, may I add* as buaya by people that are unfamilar with me....



but the magic topic of our conversations is....



Why is CaptainPlanet spared the bad press?

What is his aura????????



CaptainPlanet, in my humble opinion, from the surface, appears waaaaay more buaya. (OH COME ON captain! You admitted that yourself :D)

But he has not suffered much bad press.

WHY DUDE WHY?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Captain feels sorry for me, and I am goddamn sorry about it too.

MrPasserby thinks its because I'm too AA (attract attention).



Rats. Come to think of it, my extraordinary height is surely not helping.



And yes, sigh, I think I'm too cartoon.

Oh great, now that I mentioned it, a super tall dude flapping his arms.

very very helpful.



I have "high exposure" too, apparently, as voiced Passerby coz I'm helpful and do a lot of things.



wait a minute. isn't "helpful" supposed to be a cherished value?

Because you're helpful, you get labelled as buaya?



FLASH BACK: TO my VERY FIRST blog entry.



Staying in Block E at a NUS hostel, there was a time when someone asked me to go block A to fix someone's PC.

It was a double room and while I was there, trying to enable internet connection for her, some jerk walked past and exclaimed loudly "Wah, u buaya girls all the way from block E to block A"


Hahahaha. I was referring to another jerk, but after tat I realised CaptainPlanet was there too with that jerk and he was there saying the same thing, stabbing me hard and silently.



haha. Okok, captain, i promise I won't remind u again :P

(meanwhile, will someone kindly remove this dagger sticking out of my back?)



Yeah. Helpful is not a good thing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



But it can't be that factor that makes me a buaya but not Captain because Captain is a very helpful guy too (though limited, he can do a lot of things. Like mobilising funds for social projects, aka "Fridge of Love")



Maybe coz he got a core group of male friends?

Oh come on, I too have a strong supporting group of hardcore friends!!!





WAIT. I take that back.



Two-face: Aiyah cherub shoot 10,000 arrows in the air, see who he can get lor....

cherub: -.-"



Yanzifan: Cherub is the author of the 10 Commandents of Chasing Girls.

cherub: -.-"



Someone: Did cherub chase miss so-and-so?

MrPasserby: that was such a long time ago.....dunno lah.

cherub: will someone kindly remove that dagger from my back?



(for the record, its a solid NO, for god's sake)

Haha. for all their silliness, I just can't get angry at them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Maybe, as Captain first used the word, coz I'm "slick"?

oh god. I sound like those...you know...



Chinese-snake-oil-salesman.

Haha..you know those old men that set up a stall with a mat and pictures, and start demonstrating the power of their snake-oils.

Lelong ah Lelong ah! Eat this everything also good ah!
having a glib tongue reduce your trust level, I learnt.

(not the first time I got in this, this is crucial in ur love courtship life too)



Shit. How can pple trust me in my job then?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



It was only hours later, we finally analysed the reason why Captain escaped all the bad press.



He had (whether its a "had" or a "has", debatable, but that will be another blog entry)....



......a target in hall.





That explains it!!!

When he declared a target, he made it totally legitimate to go around buayaing!

No one bothers to give him a bad press, because technically he is not interested in any other girl!

And everyone support him in his courtship!



whereas cherub, since he is not chasing anyone.....

that means all his helpfulness and all his friendliness are all part of the 10,000 arrows in the air!

its all a big sophiscated plot to source out a girl for him!



Tongues wag when they see cherub in a room configuring playing with the laptop. OH confirm he buayaing.

but if u got a target, then no one will say anything, because they all know you're just interested in that target and no one else.



That, my friend is his holy aura.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



This is a great game that reflects society

Big fish eat small fish.

just don't get eaten.



The fishy game - Play it!



The games that u discover during exams. Haha.



Now you know why god shot down my internet.

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